I Might Be Wrong

Australia Part I

2011-03-15T23:16:00.000-07:00

Sydney Day 1 (Sunday, Nov 21)

I slowly trudged up a steep, narrow stairway in The Rocks, Sydney’s oldest neighborhood, burdened by a brand new over-stuffed Gregory backpack and a weighty suitcase thumping each stair as I ascended. Short of breath with sweat pouring out across my already greasy face, I resembled a newbie contestant on “The Biggest Loser” suffering the agonizing shock of exercise to the unconditioned body. For the past several months I had completely ignored my preparatory fitness goals, always deferring them to the near future. For the first time in my life, a budding gut constantly poked and prodded my T-shirts while underneath miniature love handles in the making were hugged tightly by the waist of my jeans. I had planned an ambitious, physically exacting trip and knew that my now-soft body was in for a shock. Even though the morning was warm I wore a sweatshirt to mask the potent stench that surely had accumulated beneath as the result of a 13 hour plane ride and subsequent physical demand of hauling my luggage across the central business district on a warm summer morning. I arrived at my hostel a sweaty, exhausted mess. I dropped off my bags, cleaned up and headed out to play tourist.

As I walked to the Circular Quay where the Central Business district meets the water I quickly realized why Sydney’s Opera House is the international icon that it is. It’s absolutely gorgeous! Located on a small but prominent outcropping of land in Sydney’s Harbor, its bright tiles reflect the mood of the sky, its distinctive white sailed shape accentuates the city skyline behind it, creating one of the most picturesque urban scenes I have ever witnessed. The Opera House’s asymmetrical architecture ensures that each vantage point from a variety of harbor spots and ferry routes reveals something new, which had me, a typically restrained photographer, feeling like a trigger happy Japanese tourist at Disneyland. Two rules sum up photographing the Opera House around Sydney as a tourist.

It’s nearly impossible to take a bad shot. Each photo will leave you feeling like a professional photographer.
Considering rule one, you can never take too many shots of the Opera House, even with the strong risk that they will all look identical when you get home.

The cities other icon, the Sydney Harbour Bridge, consists of an absolutely massive steel arch bookended by imposing grey brick pylons. While not as photogenic as the Opera House, the imposing size of the bridge makes for an equally surreal sight, more likely to be appreciated in person than on film. I spent my first afternoon in Sydney tackling the pedestrian path across the bridge. I paid an exorbitant amount of money (my only, but frequent complaint about Sydney was the prices) to climb up the interior of one of the bridges pylons to one of the cities better vantage points.

While planning my trip, as a bit of a foodie, I had envisioned sampling some of Sydney’s finer restaurants. My parade was rained on after glancing at several sidewalk menus. A good rule of thumb is that everything in Australia; food, gas and boarding is twice as expensive as I am accustomed to in the states. Indicative of how un-thorough of a planner I am, the egregious cost of everything came as a completely unexpected revelation to me. The creature comforts I had planned on for my vacation, nice hotel rooms and fine dining were quickly downgraded to sleeping in hostels, and relying on fast food for sustenance.

All of this walking has gotten me hungry. Deterred by sky-high prices, rather than eating at a sidewalk café I opted for Hungry Jack, Australia’s version of Burger King. My jaw dropped as I was handed the drink to my whopper value meal in what might as well have been a Dixie cup with a lid. It took all of about 5 sips before I was slurping ice. One thing that travelling has made me appreciate about America is how we embrace the concept of “unlimited”. We like free refills, unlimited minutes, data plans, etc. I rarely get refills at restaurants, but am comforted knowing that the option is there. It has been the case in both Australian and South African restaurants that no small amount of discipline is required to ration a 12 oz. soft drink throughout a meal so that enough liquid remains to wash the last bite down.

Winding down the afternoon, I mosey down to Royal Botanical Gardens which affords me a completely different view of the city and Opera House. Dozens of photographers, most with fancy equipment and tri-pods, line up along the waterfront capturing the Opera House Vista. Although I have already taken dozens of pictures of the Opera House from various points around the city I continue snapping away. Without any plans for the rest of the day I decide to hang around the gardens a few hours until sunset. The gardens, water and the skyline are reminiscent of Chicago’s Grant Park. Of any city I’ve been to, Sydney most reminds me of Chicago, with the added perk that its weather is similar to Southern California’s. Although I have already captured dozens of pictures of the Opera House, what are a few dozen more? I join the throng of photographers capturing the Opera House backed by a variety of brilliant colors of the sunset perfectly framing the scene.

I walk back to my hostel through the hypnotizing lights of the city feeling a bit lonely. I was accompanied on my last trip to South Africa by some of my best friends, who I frequently reminisce with about it. Without any travelling companions this time, my trip will be much different in nature than my previous trip. In a similar vein as the philosophical riddle “if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, does it make noise?” I begin to wonder about the value of experiences shared with nobody. If I’m going to get bang for my buck it will have to come in the form of introspective moments afforded by solitude, from the blank notebook I’ve brought to dabble in some creative writing, from the 1500 pages worth of books weighing down my bags, and perhaps some inventive photography.

Sydney Day 2 (Sunday, Nov 22)

I’m slowly awoken at 2am by the muffled but relentless drone of one of my hostel roommate’s alarm clock. I’m clearly the only one whose sleep has been disturbed, as there is not so much as a rustle from any of the other beds in the room. My agitation increases with each bleep of the alarm that the guilty party peacefully sleeps through, my temper ready to boil. At this point I am coherent enough to do some math. 2am Australian time would be 7am pacific time, the time I routinely wake up for work in the morning. On second thought, that alarm sounds awfully familiar. Damn…Right as I have the epiphany, someone in a neighboring bed rolls over and grumpily demands that someone turn the #@$% alarm off. I hop down from the top bunk and frantically fumble around my luggage looking for my phone, the room getting restless as I finally silence it. I climb back up into bed with my tail between my legs.

First thing in the morning, I’m eastward bound on a train for a day trip to the Blue Mountains. Given the underwhelming state of my fitness, I am hoping todays 10-miler will kick start my body in preparation for Tasmania. The sand stone cliffs, dense eucalyptus forests, and numerous waterfalls make for a pleasant afternoon. As a connoisseur of good swimming holes I find myself in heaven, with significantly more deep, waterfall fed pools alongside the trail than I have time to sample. Even better, for the most part I have it all to myself.

The euphoria of the morning’s novel scenery and swimming stops quickly wears off down the home stretch of the hike as I ascend an endless of barrage of stairs over a thousand vertical feet to exit the valley. My complete lack of fitness is painfully exposed as I climb 15-20 stairs at a time, until I am short of breath, and wait a minute to climb a few more. By the time I reach the top, I am completely winded and feel like I just did a bunch of squats.

I’m feeling ravenously hungry after my hike and I peruse the town of Wentworth Falls small Main Street for a food joint, finally deciding on a Fish and Chips take-away shop. My fish and chips are accompanied by some curious looking ketchup packets, the likes of which I’ve never come across before. Think McDonalds chicken nugget dipping sauce packets, except the bottom plastic portion is divided into two equally sized regions and instead of the thin foil covering, a thick plastic seal with a small but stiff peak in the center. I’m sitting at the only table in the place, when a cute twenty-something blond approaches and asks if she can share the table with me. I acquiesce with a smile, and continue trying to crack the impossible code of my ketchup packet. I try everything from pealing the top, to puncturing the packet with a fork. I bring the packet close up to my face to examine it, squeezing the packet in half from the bottom. A Jetstream like blast of ketchup sprays across my face and I immediately feel the sharp sting of its spices in both of my eyes. Momentarily blinded, I fumble around the table for my napkin and quickly relieve my eyes. I sheepishly look up across the table at my neighbor, who didn’t appear to notice a thing. I strike up a conversation with her.

“Excuse me…Do you have any idea how to open these ketchup packets? I’m completely baffled.”

She picks up a packet and stares at it curiously. “I’ve never seen one of these before,” she says in a European sounding accent. She picks at the plastic top, tries to peel it off and then squeezes it down the center in the exact same way I had done moments earlier. A bullet like stream of ketchup shoots across her low hanging tank top, bra and cleavage.

“I am SOOO sorry,” I say with a look of shock on my face, trying incredibly hard to stifle a laugh. She looks up at me, clearly turning red with embarrassment, and starts to laugh. I can no longer hold it in, and I break down and start laughing uncontrollably. I get up and grab her some napkins. We continue laughing, as she cleans herself up. I offer the only thing I can think of to say, “You just made my day!”

Riddle solved, thanks to my new French Canadian friend. I grab the sauce packet and squeeze it seal side pointing down at my fries, and dispense ketchup on my food. We talk over our early dinner for a half hour, and I eventually reluctantly decline her invitation to repeat the hike to the falls due to pure exhaustion. I sleep most of the train ride back to Sydney, arriving back late at night and proceed straight to bed.

Eavesdropping on a Journal

2010-06-26T18:52:00.000-07:00

The highway split the featureless desert out to the horizon. Yawning, I pulled out my pillow and propped it up against the window. I was exhausted after spending 4 hot summer days in Zions National Park, tagging along with my girlfriend at the time, her family and the young women from her parents ward. As I prepared for a nap she pulled out her journal and began writing.

Four days straight with no breaks was really testing the limits of our relationship. At the moment there was a palpable tension between us. In a group full of strangers I felt clingy and she felt clinged to. As an introvert, the constant presence of obnoxious 12 and 13 year olds girls had worn on me. With her dad always within a close proximity, I had not even neared first base throughout the course of the weekend. At one point we arrived back at camp well ahead of the rest of the group and entered the tent for what was sure to be a cathartic make out only to be thwarted by a squirrel that had chewed a hole in the tent and made a sizeable mess with a zip loc bag of trail mix. By the time the tent was cleaned up everybody had returned to camp.

An hour earlier in the drive I had escalated the tension by embarrassing her in a conversation. She envisioned herself a ground breaking innovator for espousing conservative principles in a liberal world.

“Nate, don’t you think I’m revolutionary,” she asked.

We had engaged in similar conversations before. Usually affirmative, this time I fought the urge to roll me eyes. “Revolutionary? Why do you feel that you are revolutionary?”

She seemed caught off guard that I wasn’t playing along as I usually did to her self perception. She paused and mentioned something about having the truth and not being afraid to share it with others. “It’s impossible to live a fulfilling life without having the truth of the gospel.”

“Don’t you think that sounds arrogant? I don’t think being Mormon is a pre-requisite to a fulfilling life.” I replied. By this time all ears in the mini-van were focused on our conversation. After going back and forth on this point for several minutes I could tell that she had become embarrassed that I had challenged her in front of everybody. Trying to diffuse the tension I agreed that she was indeed a revolutionary. That was the end of our conversation.

As I rested my head against the pillow I realized that from this angle I could see what she was writing in her journal. Assuming she was writing about me, I closed my eyes and began to wonder what her unfiltered most initimate thoughts were about me. Despite the current friction between us, we did have a number of memorable and intimate moments on the trip. I had played the role of supportive boyfriend throughout the trip and encouraged her to follow several of her dreams. After fighting the urge to peak for several minutes I lifted my eyelid slightly so I could see her journal, but still appear to be asleep. The only line I could make out was “Nate is a simple minded but good man.” I closed my eyes again wishing I had been more disciplined.

The Smiling Jesus Caption Game ©

2009-11-26T11:34:00.000-08:00

"We’re geniuses!” – Nate Fuller, Smiling Jesus Caption Game © co-creator

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” – Stacy Lawrence, Smiling Jesus Caption Game © co-creator

The Smiling Jesus Caption Game© is sweeping the nation by storm. As co-conceiver of this wildly fun, hilarious, fun for the whole family game, I offer an exclusive behind the scenes story of its conception and real life examples of how to play.

The initial inspiration for the Smiling Jesus Caption Game © was a sacrament meeting program featuring a painting of a smiling Jesus which looked an awful lot like Jesus was posing for a modern day senior yearbook picture. I featured the picture on my blog and my faithful readers were quick to award him a variety of Nazareth class of 18 A.D. superlatives including best beard, most likely to succeed and best personality, although unfortunately he came up way short in the biggest flirt and class clown categories. It was immediately clear that smiling Jesus provided an amazing amount of untapped comedic potential.

The game really began to take shape several weeks later when Stacy’s Grandma Henry, famous for circulating faith promoting emails, forwarded an absolute gem to Stacy entitled “Pictures of Jesus Laughing….Precious”. Little did she know the revolution that she had just set in motion (I still don’t think she knows, so please keep it on the D.L.). Attached to the email were 7 pencil sketches of Jesus laughing, having a good time, being the fun guy that he rarely gets portrayed as. It was clear to the games co-founders that these pictures were missing captions, hence The Smiling Jesus Caption Game © was created.

I promised real life examples at the beginning of the post, so I included several of the now famous pictures from Grandma Henry’s email along with some of the captions that Stacy and I came up with. Enjoy!

"and then i said, 'peace be still'... yep, nothing to be concerned about, ladies... all in a days work." -Stacy

"Jesus: Suffer the children to come to me, that's my motto!
Woman 1: (thinking) gosh! it's so hard to find a family guy these days!" -Stacy

"You give such snuggly wuggly huggies!" - Nate

"I KNOW YOU SWALLOWED MY CTR RING PUNK NOW COUGH IT UP!!!!!" - Stacy

After feeling a forceful rumbling from the baby's rear end, "Whoa Jr...Let's get you back to nursery Pronto!" - Nate

""The smell of his hair is unmistakeable!! I love Johnson & Johnson No more tears!" -Nate

New Niece

2009-10-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon my new niece Kierra finally arrived! I'm digging her hairdo.

Engines Revved at a Stoplight

2009-10-03T00:04:00.000-07:00

Late Thursday evening I made a trip down to UCSD’s Giesel library to check out some of their Mormon themed books. As I was skimming through Thomas O’Dea’s classic “The Mormons,” a folded printout fell onto the floor. The counter-cult had left there calling card, a print-out from Mormon Research Ministries about the Book of Mormon and DNA. I pulled it out and set it aside.

Next, I thumbed through Hardy’s “Solemn Covenant” and once again found the print-out compliments of Mormonism Research Ministries. This time it was a testimonial from a lady who had spent 20 years as a Mormon and then decided to get the heck out of dodge.

UCSD has an extensive Mormon Studies section, completely taking up 2 bookshelves, comprised of 200-250 books. Given that the randomly selected books that I had picked up from different shelves had both had been visited by concerned Evangelicals, I wondered about the rest of the books. Sure enough, somebody had taken the time to pain-stakingly produce several hundred printouts and insert one into every Mormon themed book in the library.

I removed the print-outs from the dozen or so books that I looked at that night. As I did, I imagined somebody returning the next day to take tally of how many printouts were missing and reporting back to his counter-cult ministry that twelve people had been exposed to the “real” Mormonism through their diligent efforts. Nobody would be there to burst their bubble and let them know all their efforts were wasted on an already slightly disgruntled Mormon who found their stealth tactics disingenuous.

I felt defensive for a moment. I contemplated going through all the books and undoing all their tedious preparation. Standing there in the library I was reminded of something I had concluded years earlier: The Evangelical counter-cult is riding the intellectual short bus. I had spent way too many years in my teens and early twenties playing cat and mouse games with them. I would feel all the dumber for playing along on this night. I couldn’t be bothered to go through a dozen more books, let alone two whole book shelves to undo their work. I dumped the dozen or so printouts that I had collected in the recycling bin on my way out and walked out of the library with a smirk on my face, feeling satisfied that the short bus had revved its engine next to me at the stop light and I had refused to race it.

Bing

2009-07-18T08:31:00.000-07:00

On June 3rd Microsoft launched its new search engine Bing. While I haven't been able to make the jump from Google to Bing, there is one feature about Bing that I L-O-V-E. Every day the search engine adds a new background image. Generally, the images are of places around the world. The images are consistently amazing.

I found myself always adding them as my desktop wallpaper at work, so I spent a couple of hours writing some code that downloads the days image and sets it as my wallpaper. I have slowly been building an impressive repository of the photos. Here is my top 5 from the last 6 weeks:

5) Cinque Terre, Italy

4) Moorea Island, French Polynesia

3) Chocolate Hills, Phillipines

2) Preikestolen, Norway

1) Pemmukale Tavertine Pools, Turkey

Grandpa gets down in church

2009-07-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

Bahahaha!!!

Flash Flood Mania

2009-06-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

My new hobby is watching flash flood videos on youtube.

Iconic Internet Videos

2009-05-10T22:41:00.000-07:00

The highlight of my weekend was making my way through urlesque.com's "100 Most Iconic Internet Videos." My fave 5:

5. Star Wars Kid

4. "I like turtles" boy

3. Sneezing Panda

2. News Reporter Falls Smashing Grapes

1. Charlie Bit My Finger

Smiling Jesus

2009-04-26T18:51:00.000-07:00

Nazareth High School Class of 18 AD.

2008: The year of the Mormon PR disaster

2009-01-05T00:18:00.000-08:00

The Mormon church has seen better years than 2008. Looking back on the year, it turned out to be a particularly tough PR year for the church. In a recent Salt Lake Tribune article entitled “A Year of Scrutiny for the LDS Church” Peggy Fletcher Stack takes a look back at the year 2008 for the LDS church. Summed up in a sentence: Scrutiny doesn’t always feel very good. Between Mitt Romney’s Presidential bid, Proposition 8 backlash, and the hoopla surrounding the raid of the Texas compound of the polygamous FLDS sect, the church experienced an unprecedented amount of time in the lime light of the national media. There were some interesting points brought up within the article, especially the commentary by Philip Barlow, the head of the Mormon Studies program at Utah State University.

Regarding Allegiance to the Republican Party

Although a large percentage of Mormons are Republican stalwarts, Mitt didn’t exactly receive a warm welcome from the party’s large evangelical constituent. One pastor even went so far as to say “A vote for Mitt Romney is a vote for Satan.”

Philip Barlow wondered, “Will Latter-day Saints now begin to question their allegiance to the Republican Party, or even move into the Democratic Party in the future, especially if Barack Obama is successful in his first term?”

Regarding Homosexuality

After stating that the churches high profile involvement with Prop 8 has potentially set it up as a symbol of the restriction of human rights Barlow says, “Not many years from now, 2008 may be seen as a turning point for the LDS Church in addressing the reality of homosexuality. The church's theology was formed at a time when homosexuality could only be construed in biblical terms as ‘abomination.’ Because of experience and science, today church leaders see the issue in a more complex light. They distinguish between feelings and actions, and they acknowledge that we do not know the originating causes of same-sex attraction. LDS founder Joseph Smith once said that 'by proving contraries, truth is made manifest.' As is the past, this may be a painful but auspicious moment in LDS history."

While I think Barlows speculation about a future in which the Mormon church is largely democratic and gay friendly is far fetched, I wouldn’t complain with that outcome. In my mind, the more likely outcome is that instead of jumping ship from the Republican party, Mormons will continue to buddy up with evangelicals in politics and on social issues when their man power and capital is needed in hopes that they will someday be admitted to their exclusive Christian club and political party.

Partisanship is tiring.

2008-10-09T19:07:00.000-07:00

Facebook statuses are an intersting thing. With no knowledge of current events, I think I could browse a few days worth of statuses and have moderate awareness of whats going on in the world. Among my friends there has been plenty of Obama love to go around.

____ is convinced that the only people who can support obama know absolutely nothing about the man behind the mask.

____ is watching the presidential debate. Obama sucks.

____ is astounded. The MODERATOR for the debate on Thurs. is writing a book about obama? Ya, she's gonna be fair....(sarcasssmmm).

____ enjoyed watching McCain destroy Obama in the debate.

____ is hating obama.

____ suggests everyone checkout Barackbook.com. This guy is an anti-american. I've been saying it for months.

I decided to respond to my friend on the last one.

me: He's anti-American? Geez, I may have to rethink my vote.

friend: No one suspected the gadianton robbers either Nate. There's lots of examples in the scriptures. Alma 46:10, Alma 10:15, Alma 11:21. All I'm saying is Barack is smooth with his words, but he's someone that hasn't actually accomplished anything and yet has risen to power very quickly. And when you look at his very overlooked past, he has associations with corrupt people, and people who've committed acts of terror in D.C. trying to blow up the Capitol building. Some of these guys have been his mentors. I still love you Nate.

Atleast I am still loved. I am reminded of a recent article in The Onion titled "60 Million People You'd Never Talk to Voting for the Other Guy." The article references a supposed ground breaking study on the elections. The money paragraphs:

"The 110-page document reveals that these strangers share a fundamental vision of our nation's future, a vision that shockingly runs completely counter to your own and is furthermore embodied by the candidate whom you could not in a million years fathom being the leader of the free world. Even more frightening, the report says, is that their votes count just as much as yours."

"While you are 100 percent certain that your preferred candidate's stance on issues such as foreign policy and the economy would appeal to any human being with half a brain, there is, in this very same country, an equally large voting bloc which believes that you and your candidate of choice are absolutely insane," the report's co-author Dr. Mark Grier said during a press conference. "Every single thing you love about your candidate's personality, vice presidential pick, and family, 60 million other registered voters absolutely deplore."

"What you consider to be this country's ruin," Grier added, "these other people actually consider to be this country's savior."

I have found myself being more partisan than I ever have been this political season. Being partisan can be exhausting. Between the presidential elections and a particular proposition I am worn out and can't wait until November 4th.

What if?

2008-09-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

Jazz Shaw, assistant editor at The Moderate Voice poses some thought provoking "what if" questions about what an economic recession could mean to Americans.

What if the stock market fell from 11,000 to 5,000?

What if loose credit evaporated overnight?

What if people who took outrageous mortgages and debt were sent back to a reset point?

What if people had to rent a place to live and save up until they had a reasonable down payment and mortgage payments they could afford?

What if some people lost their highest paying jobs and had to take lower paying, local jobs (or even two) to make ends meet?

What if credit became tight to the point where average households couldn’t have nine credit cards each, couldn’t spend 133% of their annual income every year and actually had to save up money to buy things?

What if they had to save their money for retirement in fixed rate savings accounts and lower interest bonds or treasury bills?

What if CEOs couldn’t make hundreds of millions per year because the market collapsed on them?

What if companies who ship American jobs overseas and offshore their manufacturing operations no longer had a market to sell their goods at “home” because nobody could afford to buy them?

What if this exhausted, heavily-whipped engine of commerce collapsed on its knees on the track?

What if those companies had to begin hiring people back home to make their products so there would be a market for them again?

What if speculation became impractical because people would only pay what things were actually worth?

What if people couldn’t afford the next biggest flat screen TV and the next thinnest Jesus Phone every season and had to make do with what they had for a few years?

What if manufactured items had to focus on quality instead of disposability because consumers could not afford new versions every year?

What if we had to repair some of our own clothes and household items so they would last longer?
What if some of us had to either grow some of our own food or provide services for people who provided food for us?

What if we all had to sweat out some hard work and hard times and eliminate all of our empty debt and actually live within our means?

What if our government was actually forced to do the same?

What if?

Lufa update

2008-09-27T15:06:00.000-07:00

I took a lot of heat for holding on to my last lufa for four years. I finally succumbed to the peer pressure of my friends, ultimately tipped over the edge by the donation of a new lufa, and tossed my old one, although it undoubtedly still had a good year or two of life remaining. I appreciated the compactness of my new lufa, and it made showering more efficient. Unfortunately, only six weeks into my new lufa experience, as I went to soap it up one morning this week it began to unravel before my eyes. What remains is a 15 foot strand of blue net-like material. It just goes to show all you haters of my previous lufa, that appearances aren't everything. I am once again accepting donations.

Stages of Faith

2008-09-25T22:58:00.000-07:00

Based on a recommendation from a friend I started reading developmental psychologist James Fowler’s book “Stages of Faith.” The book is based off six hundred interviews with men, women and children, ranging in age from four to eighty-eight concerning issues of faith. Their religious beliefs span the gamut, ranging from atheist and agnostic, to Catholic; Protestant, Jewish, and based off some of the interview excerpts I would guess some Mormons as well. His research leads him to a framework of faith development that includes six different stages. The following summaries of each of Fowler's stages were copied and pasted from this website, and given that stages zero and one concern infants and young children I figured I would list only the more relevant stages, two through five.

Stage 2 – "Mythic-Literal" faith (mostly in school children), stage three persons have a strong belief in the justice and reciprocity of the universe, and their deities are almost always anthropomorphic.

Stage 3 – "Synthetic-Conventional" faith (arising in adolescence). The majority of the population finds its permanent home in this stage. It is a stage characterized by conformity, where one finds one's identity by aligning oneself with a certain perspective, and lives directly through this perception with little opportunity to reflect on it critically. Authority derives from the top down, and is invested with power by majority opinion. Furthermore, while one can at this stage enter into an intimate relationship with the divine, one's life situations may drive one into despair (the threshold to the next stage). Such situations may include contradictions between authorities, the revelation of authoritarian hypocrisy, and lived experiences which contradict one's convictions.

Stage 4 – "Individuative-Reflective" faith (usually mid-twenties to late thirties) a stage of angst and struggle. At this time, the personality gradually detaches from the defining group from which it formerly drew its identity. The person is aware of him or herself as an individual and must--perhaps for the first time--take personal responsibility for his/her beliefs and feelings. This is a stage of de-mythologizing, where what was once unquestioned is now subjected to critical scrutiny. Stage four is heavily existential, where nothing is certain but one's own existence, and disillusionment reigns. This stage is not a comfortable place to be and, although it can last for a long time, those who stay in it do so in danger of becoming bitter and suspicious people.

Stage 5 – "Conjunctive" faith (mid-life crisis) moves one from stage four's rationalism to the acknowledgement of paradox and transcendence. It is in this stage that, in Washburnian terminology, one chooses regression in the service of transcendence. In this stage a person grasps the reality behind the symbols of his or her inherited systems, and is also drawn to and acknowledging of the symbols of other's systems. In stage five, the world, demythologized in stage four, is re-sacrilized, literally brimming with vision. It is also imbued with a new sense of justice that goes beyond justice defined by one's own culture and people. Because one has begun to see "the bigger picture" the walls culture and tradition have built between ourselves and others begins to erode. It is an overwhelming, ecstatic stage in which one is radically opened to possibility and wonder.

Anybody who has been close to me over the past several years would probably not hesitate to place me neatly within the description of one particular stage (Hint – the most foreboding sounding one). As I have subjected my world view to critical personal scrutiny over this span of time I have at times felt marginalized and perpetually misunderstood by many people close to me. I have managed in some way or another to alienate a lot of people that I love and care about. I suppose this is a natural by product of making the purpose of ones life a full scale ideological battle, both political and religious. I remember in a previous life being largely characterized as a “nice guy” by my peers and felt like a lot of my better attributes were easily recognized. In more recent times it feels like I have had to make an effort to remind people that I really am still a nice guy, that I am still understanding, that I will do whatever I can to help my friends, that I live my life by the golden rule.

As I was reading the book I felt like Fowler’s description of stage 4 was a carbon copy of my mindset over the past two years. His chapter on stage four made me feel like I wasn’t the only one who has gone through what I have. It was that rare experience for which I am always searching: to be understood. The problem is that I’m no longer sure that is the way I want others to understand me. Do I really want to be understood by those at church as a devoted skeptic or cautious believer? More recently, I have wondered why I always feel a need to rationally justify my beliefs and faith to others as if they were complete skeptics. Why do I always feel the need to emphasize my skepticism? Yes, skepticism is a recurring theme and on reflection has been the attribute in which I have often defined myself to others.

The book offers hope in a more objective world view and transcendent approach to faith beyond a stage four. As of recently I feel I have been heading in a more positive direction. Part of this has been the recognition that I don’t always have an answer to why I believe beyond it feels right or good. The recognition that everybody is at different stages of faith in their lives and they don’t need to take the same path as me (although it helps me feel understood =-). It would seem awfully strange if my Mom, the most unquestioning and believing person I know, became a skeptic. Its part of what makes her great. The recognition that in many ways I define myself to others, and therefore have some control over how I am perceived. I envision a time in the near future in which rather than defining myself by struggles I let my more admirable attributes define and speak for me.

The Audacity of Hope

2008-09-13T01:01:00.000-07:00

Several months ago I picked up “The Audacity of Hope” with every intention to read it within the same week. The book became a victim of neglect, cast aside because of my busy work schedule, placed behind an ever growing cue of books to be read. Thanks to a jump start during a 6 hour plane flight I was able to knock out a sizeable portion and have slowly chipped away at it since then. Last night I was finally able to conquer this thorn in my side, the book that I could never get around to reading.
Part of my reason for reading this book was frustration at not being able to get a good grasp on him from the media. It seemed that too often, depending on the host or station covering him was either a flaming liberal with little experience or a rock star. The book was an informative look into the mind of a rising young politician as he formulates his policy and world view. I was impressed with Obama’s very nuanced approach to politics and life in general. He has an ability to consistently take a non-partisan approach that recognizes that much of the time the answer doesn’t lie on the left or right, but somewhere in the middle. The idea that we don’t have to approach politics in absolute terms. Explaining the predicament caused by approaching complex political issues in terms of simply packaged absolutes he says:

“Whenever we dumb down the political debate, we lose. For it’s precisely the
pursuit of ideological purity, the rigid orthodoxy and the sheer predictability
of our current political debate, that keeps us from finding new ways to meet the
challenges we face as a country. It’s what keeps us locked in ‘either/or’
thinking: the notion that we can have only big government or no government; the
assumption that we must either tolerate 46 million without health insurance or
embrace ‘socialized medicine’.”

Time and time again within the book he shows a nuanced understanding of both sides of the story. Democrats and Republicans are both taken to task.

His critics have often asserted that he is over-idealistic. As the reader, I was sometimes left feeling that way: wondering whether such large scale change was naïve. Whether or not this is the case, he exudes a palpable energy and vigor to conduct a new kind of politics throughout the book. His eternal optimism becomes contagious. I appreciate his desire to shake things up, wanting to ditch the polarizing politics of his elders for something more substantive and effective.

“A government that truly represents these Americans that truly serves these
Americans will require a different kind of politics. That politics will need to
reflect our lives as they are actually lived. It won’t be pre-packaged, ready to
pull off the shelf. It will have to be constructed from the best of our
traditions and will have to account for the darker aspects of our past. We will
need to understand just how we got to this place, this land of warring factions
and tribal hatreds. And we’ll need to remind ourselves, despite all our
differences, just how much we share: common hopes, common dreams, a bond that
will not break.”

Whether one agrees with the his politics or not this book is a worthwhile read. It is not a campaign book, but an appeal to Americans that we can find solutions to the many problems that we face. It is an invitation for Americans to enter into the conversation together.

Last words on Prop 8. (I promise)

2008-09-11T00:14:00.001-07:00

The stance that I have taken towards Proposition 8 has generated a lot of bewilderment, suspicion and well meaning inquiry among those within my close circle of friends and family. While most have tried to be understanding, some responses have left me with an unsettling feeling. Given that LDS church leaders have recently taken a definitive stance in favor of the proposition, my alignment on the opposite end of the spectrum has caused others to directly question my faith on more than one occasion. Part of that has been my inability to completely explain my position in a clear manner. I am going to try my best to explain here and then I promise to put the issue to rest in both my public and private conversations, unless my view is elicited.

As hard as it is for many to come to grips with, we are no longer a Christian nation. We are a Christian, Jewish, atheist, Muslim, Hindu and agnostic nation (Sorry to the hundreds of groups I left off). There is no getting around that we live in a pluralistic society. As an active Latter Day I simultaneously exist in two domains. One being the private realm comprised of my deeply personal faith and the other a public realm in which I am a small cog making up part of our larger pluralistic society. Both domains are not amenable to the same rules and involve differing paths to obtaining truth.

While I may believe strongly in it, my faith is deeply personal. It is based on experiences and beliefs that can neither be concretely proved nor disproved by my neighbor. Given that religious beliefs are highly subjective, I can’t expect what I have found to be true to be taken as binding on somebody who not had my same spiritual experiences. In the realm of public policy and law, my decisions and votes must be subject to argument and be grounded in common reason understood by society at large. It requires that I speak in terms that are accessible to those making up our pluralistic society. In other words, I can’t simply claim that I am against gay marriage or abortion based on the authority that God said so or that my church leaders told me to and expect that argument to hold any weight in the public realm. In this case, in my mind it is a perfectly acceptable position to disagree with something, yet feel that it should be legal.

I recognize that it is perfectly possible for one to reason that gay marriage will not be a positive for society and I can respect that. Most arguments I have heard revolve around heterosexual marriage being undermined and threatened by the would be institution of gay marriage. I personally find those claims unconvincing. I rather feel that traditional marriage is threatened and undermined by heterosexual couples who don’t take their marriage commitments seriously. What’s actually under attack is the traditional definition of marriage, not marriage itself. I have discussed my empathetic views on gay issues in previous posts and don’t want to expound on them here, just want to make the point that abiding by my rules of conduct in the public sphere I cannot justify support for Proposition 8.

I am put off when religion enters into politics and likewise when the chapel becomes an arena of political discourse. I have nothing but the utmost respect and appreciation for the leaders of my church and believe they are inspired, but I find it necessary to compartmentalize my religion from politics.

Certainty vs Uncertainty

2008-09-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

Certainty is a comfortable mindset. It puts us in control of our world and makes us feel that we have life figured out. On the other hand, uncertainty can be uncomfortable. It is fertile ground for anxiety and tension. Given the two antithetical mindsets, one allowing for an easier state of existence, then why is it that I have become increasingly skeptical of certainty in most facets of my life? Why do I feel more comfortable in uncertainty than the safe confines of certainty?

Sarah Palin's

2008-09-04T16:06:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the Palin-Drome!

A link to Sarah Palin's personal blog (not really). Thanks Sally.

Mormon Paradox

2008-09-03T01:02:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year I read the book “People of Paradox” by Teryl Givens. Givens book explores four fundamental tensions, or paradoxes inherent in the Mormon experience that have been influential in creating a unique Mormon culture. He succinctly titles the first paradox “the iron rod and the Liahona.”

The Iron Rod comes from a story within the Book of Mormon in which it represents a difficult, but clearly and plainly defined path to eternal life for those who hold fast to its straight trajectory. The Liahona on the other hand, was a compass which pointed to the destination but did not fully mark a path. The clarity of its directions varied with the circumstances of the user and were not an infallible delineator of course. Both represent different ways of getting to the same destination. Similarly, a strong emphasis on personal freedom is emphasized within Mormonism, while at the same time the importance of obedience to authority is constantly stressed. Both represent different paths to a final destination of spiritual fulfillment, even though the paths may often conflict with each other. As an exercise in these conflicting tensions I present two quotes.

“When the prophet speaks, the debate is over.” N. Eldon Tanner, August 1979 Ensign.

“I do not wish for any Latter Day Saint in this world, nor in heaven, to be satisfied with anything I do, unless the spirit of….revelation makes them satisfied. I wish them to know for themselves and understand for themselves.” Brigham Young

These competing emphases have been especially apparent to me personally with the leaders of the church recently taking a strong stance in support of Proposition 8. Staying agnostic to the moral issue of homosexuality, I feel like Prop. 8 is a political issue appropriate for an editorial section within the newspaper, but not something to be discussed ad nauseum within church. It is not a proposition that I feel comfortable aligning myself with. I would feel hesitant to join the cause with some of the more homophobic groups supporting the proposition. Most importantly, I think the culture of commitment that comes along with the institution of marriage could only be a positive thing for the homosexual community. Yet on the other hand, I respect church leaders and feel they are divinely inspired in much that they do. It’s an unsettling paradox, and although my vote could still be subject to change, I think I am going to go with my personal integrity on this one.

Givens summarizes the paradox nicely as follows:

“A segment of Mormon society will always be disposed to see unquestioning obedience to priesthood counsel as weakness and abdication of moral autonomy, while others will see independent mindedness as a euphemism for the fetishizing of difference and pride. And the tensions will doubtless be fiercest among those whose life work calls them to worship God through creative expressions and intellectual pursuits.”

Out With the Old, In With the New

2008-08-21T21:39:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a charitable donation from a friend I was able to replace what has been a constant in my life for the past four years...My loofa. Most people who have used my bathroom or shower in the past year or two have noted that I am long overdue for a new one. Evident in this picture is that my old one had completely taken on a life of its own as it slowly but steadily grew larger. I think I got my money's worth.

Mick Jagger has Moves

2008-08-20T19:53:00.000-07:00

I just watched Martin Scorcese’s new film on the Rolling Stones, “Shine a Light.” Mick Jagger must have found a fountain of youth, because he has moves like no other 65 year old I’ve ever seen. The guy is a maniac. Its amazing he doesn’t have a heart attack at his age. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any clips of the movie on youtube.

Although, watching the film reminded me of a little gem that I found tucked away in a storage closet while I was on my mission. It was a talk given in 1988 by Elder Gene R. Cook, a Mormon general authority, on the potential evils of rock music. To a group of LDS college students he recounts:

It ought not to surprise us that the devil has his own music as well. That kind of music is found throughout the world and has a great impact on young people especially. Let me try to bring this principle alive by relating a true story that happened with an individual of whom you have probably heard. How many of you have heard of Mick Jagger? I think almost everyone has as he is one of the most famous rock stars in the world. Well, you might be surprised to know that I had about 2 hours with him on an airplane and it was quite an experience. I'm going to relate part of that to you to try to illustrate this important point about selecting wholesome music.
Mr. Jagger and I were on a flight that originated in Mexico and were headed, I believe, to either Houston or Dallas. As I sat down in the plane, the seat next to me was empty. Later a man came and sat down by me. I noticed immediately that he was reading a rock magazine. I offered a silent prayer as I often do when I try to talk to people about the Church. I prayed that the Lord would inspire me in what to say as I talked to this man.

After the prayer, I said something like, "My name is Gene Cook. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. What's your name?"

And he said, "My name is Mick Jagger."

Not realizing who he was I said, "Well, I'm glad to meet you, Mick."

And then he said, "I said my name is Mick Jagger."

I said, "I heard you, Mick."

And then he opened up the magazine and pointed to his picture and said, "This is me." Of course, then I finally realized who he was. I just hadn't ever thought about sitting next to him, but it was so. What I'm going to say is in no way speaking evil of Mick Jagger himself. Please understand that. I'm not speaking evil of the man, but I am of what he represents because it is wrong. It is of the devil himself, in my opinion.

Even before I knew who Mick was, I noticed that his pant leg was pulled up a little on his calf. As I looked at his leg I thought for some reason, "This fellow looks a little sick." I'm not sure why, but that caught my attention before I even knew who he was.

After we visited back and forth a minute or two about what we were doing and all, I finally said something like, "You know, Mick, I have a question for you that I'd like you to answer for me."
He said, "Well, I'll be glad to try."

Then I said to him, "I have opportunity to be with young people in many different places around the world, and some of them have told me that the kind of music you and others like you sing has no effect on them, that it's okay, and that it doesn't affect them adversely in any way. Then other young people have told me very honestly that your kind of music has a real effect on them for evil and that it affects them in a very bad way. You've been in this business a long time, Mick. I'd like to know your opinion. What do you think is the impact of your music on the young people?"

This is a direct quote, brothers and sisters. He said, "Our music is calculated to drive the kids to sex."

Does Mick really intend his music to impel us to promiscuous sex? Or is this conversation the result of being stuck next to an old, religious, stiff in a suit for several hours on the plane (Mick’s perspective of course)? Tough to tell, but I need to go excuse myself to burn my Stones CD collection.

Some Nader Love

2008-08-17T11:23:00.000-07:00

After listening to an hour long interview with Ralph Nader on NPR, I have to admit I like the guy. I like him a lot. He’s determined, pesky, driven and tells it straight. Some money quotes from the interview:

“Most citizen groups are shut out because there are no significant hearings and if there are they restrict them to 5 minutes. The government shut down on the people. What’s left for you to decide anymore? Foreign policy, military policy, economic policy, consumer policy, environmental policy. They’ve shut you out and the commercial market ears have turned your children into Pavlonian specimens. Its amazing what we tolerate from these corporate domineers. They are supposed to be our servants, not our masters.”

“Its really so absurd that some of these wavering liberals are willing to go again and again after three years of criticizing the democrats the fourth year no matter how bad the democrats are, they will vote for them as long as the Republicans are worse. Now just think if you are a democratic nominee you know that you have got these people because they have no where to go. And when you have them you can take their vote for granted and you don’t have to give them anything in return by way of change or reform and you can just pay attention to the corporate interests that are pulling at you 24-7. You lose the tug in the opposite direction when you don’t make your vote hard to get.”

“Somebody asked me “what would you like to title your next book?” You know what I would like to title it? Excuse the rough language. “Hello Americans! Cut the Crap, No More Excuses, Take Over.” People always have excuses about why they don’t have any power. You can’t do anything about gas prices, you can’t do anything about these politicians. After a while it becomes a way of life and it becomes a rationalization of our futility and that is the biggest power that the power structure has against us, our belief that we don’t have any power.”

Turned you children into Pavlonian specimans....I love it!

Windows Mojave

2008-08-15T20:12:00.000-07:00

Attention all of you Vista haters out there: Get back on the Microsoft bandwagon and behold the operating system of all operating systems, Windows Mojave! Never heard of it? That is most likely because it is the fictional operating system propelling Microsoft’s latest (rather strange I might add) marketing campaign for Windows Vista.

In carrying out the “Mojave Experiment” Microsoft representatives went to San Francisco in search of Windows Vista haters. They were able to recruit 140 Vista skeptics who believed that the OS was slow, frequently crashed, and was a general pain to install, although they had never actually used it themselves. When these test subjects were asked to sit through a presentation demonstrating the new operating system Windows Mojave they were thoroughly impressed with its sleek design, speed and convenience. At that point it is revealed to the surprised subjects that Windows Mojave is really Windows Vista! Suckas! Of course, the surprise reactions are caught on candid camera.

Is it just me or is the underlying message of this campaign “Windows Vista doesn’t suck as much as you think it does”? I think the hip Mac guy would do better than this.